When you're dreaming with a broken heart, The waking up is the hardest part. You roll outta bed and down on your knees, And for the moment you can hardly breathe.
It was a beautiful night. Warm. Slight breeze. Perfect for running. (see: new running shoes)
New Running Shoes.
I was running. And thinking. And admiring my new shoes. And, in normal fashion, not paying attention to what was ahead of me. And before I knew it, I was face-to-face with a gigantasaurus raccoon. No kidding. I swear he had to weigh at least 40 pounds. No kidding. He crawled down the tree he was in and stared at me. Just stood their (all 40 pounds of him) and stared. One would think the little bastard would be scared of me and just run away…like his other (smarter) friends did. One would be wrong. Since the devil-raccoon was obviously going to win our little stare-off, I slowly turned around. And slowly started running in the other direction (the slowly part was not a stretch for me). After a several strides I looked over my shoulder, and, yup…the effing raccoon was chasing me down the street. Shit. Shit! Shitshitshit! I can't outrun this guy. I’m fat. And slow. And ohmygod, now I have the rabies! (That is how it works, right? You get chased by a raccoon and automatically get the rabies? It is, right?) Fortunately, the scary dinosaur-sized raccoon soon realized that the more he chased me, the further away he was getting from whatever he was climbing. Or eating. Or giving the rabies. He gave up. I won. Yay me.
Soon, the excitement of being chased down by the deadliest of deadly animals wore off and my heart started to hurt. No - not because I’m fat and had just eaten a plate of Thai Chicken Noodles and was in the middle of running eleventeen miles. No. My heart hurt because I remembered why I was running. I was running because I couldn’t sleep…because I missed Him. You see, about a month and a half ago, my X (boyfriend of 5 yrs) and I were getting ready to watch Blades of Glory when he calmly announced that he was leaving me. Leaving me because ‘your too messy, you don’t talk enough, we don’t have anything in common. And oh yeah, I’ve felt this way for two years’. We were both messy. And I thought that my not talking too much was one of the things he adored about me. And we've known from the beginning that we didn't have much in common. It worked for us. I thought it did, anyway. I had no idea whatsoever that these things bothered him so much. No idea. I really thought we were one of the lucky couples who made all of the unhappy-in-love people nauseous. He was my Prince Charming and I was his Pretty Princess. And we were going to Live Happily Ever After for Forever And A Day. Which is why I’m having a hard time getting over him…still. Which is why I’m writing this blog...well, part of the reason anyway. I want to stop recycling the pain and try to figure this out on my own. Why didn't it work? Why was he not The One for me. And why was I so sure he was? What do I need from a relationship? What do I want from life? Where do I go from here? And should I get a rabies shot?
Wondering was [he] really here? Is [he] standing in my room? No [he’s] not, 'cause [he']s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
So, here I am on my new fucking journey of self-discovery. I’ve heard journaling is good for that. So I’m journaling. Publicly. Maybe because I’m looking for advice from those who have Been Here (because I sure as hell haven't). And also maybe because blogging is way cheaper than Actual Therapy. As is running. And crying. And I have discovered that you can, in fact, run and cry at the same time. Good to know…especially when being chased by a raccoon. So, I will be blogging a lot. And running. And crying. A lot.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart, The giving up is the hardest part. [He] takes you in with your crying eyes, Then all at once you have to say goodbye. Wondering could you stay my love? Will you wake up by my side? No [he] can't, 'cause [he's] gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
Cheers.
Italicized Lyrics by John Mayer in "Dreaming With a Broken Heart"
New Running Shoes
Originally uploaded by sherist123
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