I've been wanting to get into Crossfit for a while, now. What's been stopping me? Not the big heavy weights, the pain of pushing myself to the max, or the fear of meeting pukie. No. I can handle that stuff. What I've been fearing is what the people at the gym are going to think when they see a fat girl on the pullup machine. And...I've never done a deadlift before...Are people going to look at me weird when they see that my form is in serious need of repair? And...I can't do burpees in the middle of the weight room!...I'll look like an idiot.
When I went to the gym last night, I had 3 goals: relieve stress from work, find out how fast I could swim 1000 yds, and try the assisted pullup machine. I did get to relieve some stress by venting to my workout partner (a.k.a. my bff). I did get in the pool to swim the 1000 yds (took me 20 min). And after my swim...just before closing time...I showered, got dressed, grabbed my bag and coat, and walked down to the weight room, hoping that everyone would be gone since it was so close to closing time. I dropped my stuff outside the weight room and peeked in to see if there were still people around. There were.
Now, I know that most of the time, people are more concerned about themselves, at any given moment, than how others look. I know that I shouldn't let fear stop me from doing anything (that isn't going to kill me) because if I do, I won't be able to move forward in life. I know that there are things to fear in life, and what people think of me? Isn't one of them. I know these things and yet? Last night, I let fear win. I let fear paralyze me from achieving a goal. As soon as I saw that there were some serious looking weight-lifters still lurking, I put my coat on, grabbed my bag, and walked out into the cold to my car.
I shouldn't be afraid of what people are going to think of me, but last night I was. Tomorrow, I will face my fear. I will try the assisted pullup machine. It may be at 5 am, as soon as the gym opens. And I may only do 10 reps. But, I will face and overcome my fear.
Lesson 1 learned. Thank you, Crossfit.
Last night's workout:
1 mile walk
1 mile run
1000 yard swim - time trial
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."---- FDR - First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933
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1 comment:
Wow. I understand. Completely. About everything. For two months, I hid in the aerobics studio for box jumps (what if I fell off?) and didn't even TRY a pull-up in the main gym until I had perfected my form on the shower rod in the locker room of my office.
The thing is, hot stuff, you just gotta get out there and do your thing. And I promise, it just takes doing ONE thing that scares you, and you'll realize how silly you're being. Get on that pull-up bar and get through a set. Then step off and see what happens. Chances are... nothing. Nothing at all. Nobody's pointing, nobody's laughing, nobody probably even paid you much notice at all. How anticlimactic.
I've fallen off my box, I've whacked myself in the ass during double-unders, I've dumped a set of 25# metal plates off a bar and lost more overhead squats into the rack than I'd care to think about. It's embarrassing, and people laughed, and asked if I was okay, and I laughed and got up and tried again. And immediately, I felt braver, and eventually, I got better.
March into that gym and get your ass on that pull-up machine. Because you never know who else might be out there, afraid and intimidated, just waiting for some brave, tough chick to pave the way.
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